Who would I be without this thought?

There’s a voice in my head that shows up uninvited.

It asks things like: Am I good enough? Do people actually like me? Why can’t I just DO the thing I keep promising myself I’ll do?

What questions show up in your head uninvited?

Maybe yours sounds a little different. Maybe it’s the part of you that wants to run away from your own life. The part that feels stingy and scared, sure there will never be enough. The part that pulls back from closeness, or quietly believes something in you is broken and you don’t really belong anywhere.

Or the boundary part. If I say no, will they still love me? Can I even trust myself to hold the line?

Recognize yourself? I suspect almost every one of you just nodded.

Here’s why. We’re human. Beautiful, messy, generous, lonely, creative, chaotic, loving creatures. Perfectly imperfect, every one of us, and that’s exactly how it’s supposed to be.

So take a breath. You’re in good company.

A peek into what goes on in Penny’s head

This week exactly one person signed up for an evening we had planned. One. And then there are the times that people come to an event, clearly have a beautiful experience, and never come back.

My mind takes off running. Does anyone even want what we offer? What does that say about me? About this work? Some days Michael and I half-seriously talk about giving it all up and moving to Costa Rica.

If I let those thoughts run, they get louder and darker until I’m sitting at the bottom of a pretty deep hole.

So I conjure up a big STOP sign in my mind. I breathe. Then I ask myself a different question. "Who would I be without this thought?", which comes from Byron Katie. Or, "What would I actually enjoy believing about this?"

When I find that answer, I stay with it for a few minutes and let my body feel it. Only then can I look honestly at what didn’t work and what we’ll do differently. And then I keep showing up.

For years our weekends drew four to eight people. We held them anyway, because we’d seen what happens in that room. The community grew. It’s still growing.

What keeps us going is remembering how good it feels to help each other. To be part of something bigger than ourselves. Everyone needs somewhere to belong, somewhere you can say your stuck places out loud and get real help finding a way through.

You don’t have to do this part alone.

Michael & Penny